25.5.2018

For god’s glory
For he is the only
Maybe we are him, not just we are his children. Maybe we have all his power but are afraid of it. We Do not confess that we rule our lives, not god or devil or any other things named like this… We are responsible for our decisions. We shape the world. And we can change all bad to good.

Still, there’s fight in me. I know it’s not real, but it skews my chest and i have enough of it. Though i cannot release from it, it’s like someone screamed through megaphone and pinch you all the day and you cannot get rid of it. It’s annoying, i’m tired. Really tired.

I think of having a short deep refreshing sleep. And then continue.. to live.

Maybe it’d be better to not be in this world, maybe..but it seems like a duty. Something i cannot quit.

Go on, stranger.

Feelings 24.5.2018

In my head there are dead, black eyes and screams, i fear losing myself but will prove that i am stronger than all demons i’ll ever met and will meet.
Blood, horrible pictures from all stupid bullshit movies i’ve watched, cases from tv series about detectives and criminals, they all mix up over in my head, giving me almost no place to breath.
Most times i feel imprisoned, like there’s no way out, i call for god and his help and fear that he who will come will not be god but the fucking bastard from hell.
Did you ever think of hell? Is it where we are? Did WE create it? Or is it just our fear, that we are alone, far from home, far from light? And we feel lost and then do all the bad things like hurting others, or cheating or making war…
Now, i feel like having a cigarette.. and maybe coffee.. and i would really like to pray, but mechanisms inside my brain won’t let me. Every time i think of good and god and angels and helping and wishing good to others, i also deal with exact opposite feelings
Yea and whats funny? I’ve been taking pills and visiting psychoterapist for more than 13 years, and my head still looks like the freakin mess above…

For now all from me, thank you for sharing your whiles with my expressive writings. Hope i will get some sleep as well.